Winter and Spring, new seasons

I love Spring! I come alive in the spring air, the fresh breeze, to me it is almost as if I am in a worship service when I feel the spring air. I feel the Lord's love for us through the beauty of the spring season. My spirit is alert, and I have really great conversations with the Lord just sitting or walking in the spring air.

But,,this year I am "resting" in the winter. I am finding that for me this season of winter has been a needed time of resting in the Lord, pulling away with the Lord. I think we or I can get too cluttered, too many concerns, relationships, all good stuff, but it can be distracting from the solid time with the Lord. Winter has given me time to refocus, pull myself in, in a sense.

So, I don't know if this makes sense, But winter for me has come this year as a regrouping, refilling, refocusing time. And a time of rest. I must have needed the rest.

I now have a new appreciation for winter and how the Lord uses season, literally, seasons of nature to speak to us, minister us and move us forward.

But oh...I can't wait for spring! Can't wait to go shop for flowers, hanging baskets, one of my most favorite things to do. This year I am already thinking of a serious herb garden!

I originally started this post sharing my struggle to accept the truth my children are growing, and trully the days of them here as in the past are ending. I really can't express the heart ache and sadness this has been. I know other moms know what I mean. I heard of it, listen to other women talk about it, but honestly, never conceived how very difficult it would be.

I have come through that time over the past months to a place of acceptance and trust. I still hurt and just never want this season of my life over. But I am also able to begin to picture that even tho I have loved, loved,,,LOVED the past season of being a mother with of babies, a mother of toddlers, mother of school age children. And the current season of teens becoming young adults. The Lord loves me enough to help hold my heart and fill the void.

Now my focus is to just let go of the longing for it not to end, and be the mother of prayer for my teens that I need to be. And it is going to take all I have to do that! This is time of devout intercession for my children. The teen years are fragile, wonderful and scary. The enemy of our soul realizes teens are vulnerable. But the Lord we serve is far above and able to keep them strong in Him.
I am going into this spring and summer seasons with my focus to rejoice, enjoy and be on my knees for my kids! Thankful the grieving letting go has eased up so i can do just that.

I should name my blog,

The motherhood journey,,phase 3? ...maybe

Love you my friends who take the time to read my rambling thoughts!

Love You Lord who loved me first

The Place of Waiting

I am learning about the "Place of Waiting." It isn't something new, just a new revelation of what it means to me, a deeper understanding.

There are many times in life when we are in such need of a touch from the Lord, a breakthrough to stuggles, or an answered prayer. And many times this need becomes so overwelming and we become so desperate we come to a place of decision. We have done all we know to do, prayed, held to His word, repented, fasted, but the answer or need has not happened yet.

I am calling this the waiting place. We wait. When we can't move on our own anymore, when we don't really know for sure what to do. We wait.

Seems simple, but is it really. It isn't. But really it is a peaceful, healing place, if we can do it. Really do it.

In waiting we are not giving in to hopelessness, or giving up, or not praying, we don't stop fasting and seeking, , it is actually far from that. In waiting we are expecting our God to answer, we are trusting He will come through, we are believing based on His word and what it tells us. We are holding still, until He tells us our next move and waiting. Praying, praying. And I think it helps to study his word and concentrate on His character, who Jesus is. That gives us more strength to wait.

Waiting is Ok. It is more than ok, I believe I am learning it is a good place.

Whatever the need, little or small we wait so the answer comes from him.

I am waiting on the one who has never failed me, and believing all the things I take to Him, He hears and cares.

I was sent this devotional from a friend and I think it is so noteworthy to really read it and consider.

It is from "Proverbs 31 Ministry" Devotional.

In our church our Pastor has been speaking on really loving others beyond our first love of our husbands and children.

I am highlighting a couple sentences in this devotion that I believe our Pastor may have spoke also word for word.I believe the Lord is telling us women to pour first into our family continually! But to also begin to find it in ourselves to pour out to others. To those we meet everyday who do not know the Lord, to let the Love of Jesus flow out.

I have been thinking about that mandate we are given to reach the lost. I have also been really realizing tho, that we need to not overlook the blessings of friendships we have been given. I am asking the Lord to help me do this well! It can in a way be sometimes easier to pour out love in the world to those we don't know, verses friendships..because friendships take time, commitment, loyalty and Love. But they are so worth it!

A Recipe for Relationships 10 Nov 2010 Micca Monda Campbell "Because he loved him as he loved himself." 1 Samuel 20:17b (NIV) So many people today are looking for meaningful relationships, yet so few actually find them. My mother use to tell me to count myself lucky if I had just one "close friend." That's because close life-long relationships are hard to come by. Since we are becoming an increasingly private society, it seems that fewer people than ever actually have life-long intimate friends. Still, the desire for this kind of relationship is not only sought after, but necessary. Women are naturally drawn to other women. In fact, a girl's first experience with heartache may have been over a lost "best friend" rather than a "boyfriend." Women value friendships. When they are lost, we grieve; not just over the friendship itself, but also for the secrets shared, the trust given and the acceptance enjoyed. If betrayed, the pain runs deep causing us to wonder if intimate friendships are really possible. When I think of a biblical example of real friendship, the story of David and Jonathan, found in 1 Samuel 19, always comes to mind. Jonathan, son of King Saul, was David's closest friend. The King despised David because he was growing in popularity and because God had anointed David to be king. These facts enraged King Saul, and he commanded his aids and Jonathan to assassinate David. But Jonathan loved David; therefore he would not betray David. Love isn't the only fruit of true friendship. A real relationship consists of sacrifice too. We discover in this story that Jonathan stripped himself of the robe he was wearing and gave it to David, along with his armor, his sword, his bow, and his belt. Jonathan was the potential heir to his father's thron e, but we see him sacrificing his future for David as he literally gives David his place as king. You and I learn from this action that true friendship means a willingness to sacrifice for each other in love. It's the ability to put another's needs, desires, and wishes above those of our own. Loyalty is also a mark of true friendship. We're told that Jonathan went to his father and spoke well of David. Jonathan also stood up to his dad and said, "Dad, you're wrong about David. He hasn't done anything against you, in fact, everything he's done has helped you." A true friend is a loyal defense before others; one who won't talk about you when you're not around. True friends stick up for each other and are ready to defend when others attack. Finally, intimate friends give each other complete freedom to be themselves. In an intimate friendship, you don't have to explain why you do what you do. You're just free to do it. When Jonathan gave David the sign that t hings were not okay in the palace and that his dad was going to kill David, the two were forced to say goodbye. The text tells us they wept together. When your heart is broken, you can bleed all over a friend like this and she'll understand. She won't try to comfort you in your misery or tell you to straighten up. Intimate friends let each other hurt and they weep together. If your friend needs to complain, you will listen. Intimate friends don't bale, they stay. They allow you to be yourself no matter what 'self' looks like. If you're looking for a Godly recipe for relationships, look no further. Mix together love, sacrifice, loyalty, and freedom and you can create an intimate friendship that lasts a lifetime. Dear Lord, help me to be a friend like Jonathan. Then, bless me with the same. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Acceptance

My phase of transition over the last couple of weeks is acceptance.
As i begin to share what I have and am learning about this phase of motherhood, I kind of question whether it is really that note worthy to be sitting here pondering all of this and writing about it. But for me personally it has obviously been a major season in my life that has caused much seeking of the Lord, lots of talking to about any mom who will listen! and alot of joy and pain.
So, I guess it is just that, a season, and all seasons are different.
No matter how difficult or easy a season of life is, the way we walk through it, is totally dependant on how much we cling to the Lord. Some seasons, we sing and dance through, others we struggle. But if we are holding tight to the Lord in the seasons of struggle there is still much joy, peace, hope and growth!
I love the Lord,, I just have to say that again. I am so lost, empty without Him.
Back to acceptance.
That's where I have moved to. I have accepted that ,I do not want my kids to grow up {you know what I mean} , but I accept that it really is ok. I have almost mourned already, that the time of having them totally at home is coming to an end.
Instead of being sad, acceptance is letting me just be glad for that time we had. I so so loved my time with my family all tucked away under our roof for those years.
I have accepted that you just have to move with the change, and with that I am more peaceful. Still kind of teary eyed sometimes, but just ok with it.
I am glad that tho I may be alittle over the top, with my struggle to let go, I am glad I had it happen now, before they were gone..Because it has made me stay on my toes to try to capture all the moments.
I did this when they were little, because of the difficult season we had also come through of infertility. But even so, we as moms need to have constant reminders as they grow to make as much of the time we have.
Acceptance lets me hear the Lord a little clearer telling me, to pick myself up, enjoy this time and begin diving into the areas He is directing again. Kick up that prayer life, ask Him, "what next Lord?" and do it.
I already know my next blog wont be about my momma whoa's, but about having the faith to move forward in whatever area the Lord prompts us to,,that's the little pushes i am hearing from the Lord. He knows us, He knows when we need time to work through heart pains, He also knows when it is time to "walk" through those heart pains and keep going.
Now, I am walking in acceptance!

I want to also add on another note:
Have you noticed how big the sun is,,how bright the sun seems to be and how brilliant everything seems to be outside!!! I can't get over it. I know the Lord is speaking something through creation right now,, and I am asking, "What Lord, what is it your saying, because I see something!"

Progress

A note of progress in this season of beginning to let go.{ a little,,I have to make that clear,,letting go a little..not too much!}.

First an acknowledgement of truth, letting go ever so slightly, gives our children the freedom to grow.

As in every single hard thing we go through in this journey of life, we grow. We grow in our relationship and faith in the Lord. I can see so many ways the Lord is preparing me, and helping me along the way in this season of releasing. Because it doesn't matter if someone else does or doesn't have the difficulty I am, He loves me enough to help me.

I can see His preparation in letting me know, next summer will not be the same as summer pasts. This painful enlightment he gave me this summer, hit me hard. But it allowed me to snap awake and make all those car rides back and forth cherished. That alone has blessed and strengthened my time over the last several months with the kids. It is amazing how in a matter of minutes driving to a game or practice they will just begin sharing and talking! It's a God thing and I am ever grateful for it. If the Lord had not prompted me, I may have missed some wonderful conversations with them.

Just tonight, brought me a lady in our church who shares very closely in what I am going through. So good to talk and relate. God is good, He is our helper in all times.

A large part of my progress is in just seeing and being strengthened in how the Lord is providing answers, encouragement and truth during this time of transition.

I still want a home filled with little feet running, messes needing cleaned up. But for now, I have my sweet teens here and I am going to enjoy them and trust the Lord to continue step by step releasing, strong, secure children.

That's todays lessons for me.

Psalm 97

How can we ever really get into our minds the awesome, Holiness of our God.
That He who is above all, reaches down to us, to provide truth and strength for all
things.
Don't you feel so loved for Him to whisper a scripture that is just for you, just for
that day.
Here is mine for today. And I am overcome with Love for my Lord who loves me enough
to give it.
He has one for you too,,,just ask.
If you ask He makes His word alive, to just burn in your spirit.

{italics. comments mine,,of course}
Psalm 97
The Lord reigns {hallelujah!!!now that should be a shout coming from deep within!},
let the earth be glad;
let distant shores rejoice.
Clouds and thick darkness surround him; righteousness and justice are the foundation
of his throne.
Fire goes before him and consumes his foes on every side. {Thank you Lord}
His lightning lights up the world; the earth sees and trembles.
The mountains melt like wax before the Lord, before the Lord of all the earth!!
The heavens proclaim his righteousness, and ALL THE PEOPLE see his glory.
All who worship images are put to shame, and those who boast in idols, worship
him, all you gods!
Zion hears and rejoices and the villages of Judah are glad because of your judgments, O LORD.
For you, O LORD, are the Most High over all the earth; you are exalted far above all gods.
Let those who love the LORD hate evil,
for he guards the lives of his faithful ones and delivers them from the hand of the wicked.
Light is shed upon the righteous and joy on the upright in heart.
Rejoice in the LORD, you who are righteous, and praise his holy name.

Fall

Another thought for today.

I wonder if any of you have seasons you are emotionally affected by. I really sense the Lord's presence in nature lately and want to just give the Lord thanks for being able to feel Him in this season of fall. I am overwelmed almost each day, even for a few moments of how crisp the air is, how bright the sun seems to shine and I just feel the Lord's ever comforting arms around me. What I really want to share though, is how amazing for me personally this is. For many, many years of my life, I battled heaviness, and deep sadness during the fall season. No matter what I did, I couldn't overcome it. The sun would shine, but unlike today, I wouldn't feel it. I would also feel dread and some fear. NOT NO MORE! Not no more. The Lord in His sweet goodness to me, delivered and healed me of the wounds that caused all that heaviness. I mean, I was even thinking of decorating with pumpkins, corn stalks ect. I have never done that. I don't mean halloween decorating, no way! But decorating with the produce the Lord gives. Pretty big statement of freedom in this life. I Love the Lord, that He has set me free and healed me. I love being able to feel Him in the fall, crisp air.